:: The Freewheelin' Di Winson ::

The lyrics of my life, along with various musical selections
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JUN 66: I am 14 months old in this photo, and I am smiling because I have a new baby sister ... or maybe because I have just peed in the pool.
[::..About Me..::]
I am an American.
I type really fast.
I am left-eye dominant.
I brush & floss regularly.
I am not as funny as I think I am, sometimes.
I was born on Easter.
I believe in music.
I play tennis.
I do not work quietly without disturbing others.
I am a procrastinator.
I watch certain movies just because I know they will make me cry.
I am not my fucking khaki cargo shorts.
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:: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 ::

A perfect day for sleeping

Today was.

Cold, gray, rainy. I managed to work a few hours at the office, grade some narrative paragraphs, cover a golf tournament and sneak in a short nap ... on a perfect day for sleeping.

It was one of those days I could've fallen asleep at 4:30 p.m. and awakened at 6 o'clock the next morning. Of course, then I would've missed THE CUBS' 4-2 WIN OVER THE BRAVES and Judging Amy. (The former was AWESOME; the latter, not so great.)

Tomorrow morning at 8 sharp, I shall attempt to purchase National League Championship Series tickets, online. Which will not be easy, I imagine ... no easier than the Cubs actually making it to the next round, I fear. And yet: There's a chance!

I have faith!

"Faith is good," she said ... and who am I to doubt her?

Ah, let's see what Seinfeld is about tonight ...

Hehe: George's girlfriend has mono, so no sex for George — which makes him smart. Elaine starts dating a doctor — rather, someone who is almost a doctor — and then has to go without sex while he studies for his exams. Which makes her stoopid.

(No wonder I have those occasional spells of absolute, utter idiocy!)

: )

Another song for the mix:

"Ghost in You" by the Psychedelic Furs (Adam Duritz/Counting Crows cover)

Yeah, that's a good one. A great one, in fact.

:: Di 11:09:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, September 28, 2003 ::
Too much time alone

Today (or was it yesterday?) I had this thought: I spend too much time alone.

Which I love. I love being alone. I love doing exactly what I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and I enjoy being responsible for myself.

Sometimes, though, I get tired of my own company. And this is/was one of those times.

I also had this scary thought earlier today: I found myself thinking, hmmm, I actually wish I had something that I "had to do" today. On a Sunday!

I quickly corrected my mindset, though. Why would you EVER want to HAVE to do anything on a Sunday?

When I mentioned both of these thoughts to Tee-Hee, who happened to dial me up on le cell whilst I was making a mad dash to Long John's, she offered the following words of wisdom.

Regarding time spent alone: It's either "feast or famine." Either you spend too much time alone, or, more likely, you never seem to get enough time alone. She said she is currently in the latter mode and cherishes every minute of her alone time. I said that I, too, enjoy those solo moments ... just seems like there are a few too many nowadays.

Regarding things to do on Sundays: "No, you DON'T want to have anything you have to do on a Sunday!" She said this as she was preparing to host an open house from 3 to 5 this afternoon. Ick!

(She told me that no one showed for the last one. I encouraged her to take along the laptop and dial in, if no one came to this one! What the heck, Internet access at the client's expense! Cool!)

: )

It's probably a good thing that I am not in real estate.

OK, so I am "upgrading" my MusicMatch Jukebox, and for some reason, this download has been taking a helluva long time, and nothing seems to be happening, and I am JUST about to get irritated ... because I installed the iOmega version over the one that was already on the computer ... and now I am wondering if maybe I shouldn't've done that. Damn, what's taking it so long?

All I wanna do is burn CDs! Gimme a break!

Watched Boomtown earlier. Pretty good, if not all that intriguing. I dig that Donnie Wahlberg. Not enough David McNorris, though! Just a little snippet of him at an AA meeting at the very end. Plus kinda-cute reporter girl apparently isn't in the lineup this season. Strange. I'll give it a B-minus. It'll get better.

Big bad day tomorrow. I can hardly wait.

:: Di 7:00:00 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday, September 27, 2003 ::
You had me at "hello."

Wow, what IS it about Jerry Maguire that ALWAYS gets me? Aside from the fact that it's done by Cameron "Vanilla Sky / Almost Famous" Crowe, who, to my knowledge, has never made a bad movie. And the fact that it contains that GREAT "Secret Garden" song, somewhere, right in the middle. And that it's about believing in yourself, and others, and not being afraid to care ... and to SHOW that you care.

I am out to win you over.

Hmmm, now the big question:

NYPD Blue or Boomtown? I have both on tape ... and both are season premieres. I think Boomtown because it's gonna be easier to locate on the tape.

And, for the record: CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

Yeah, they won the NL Central. I never really thought it would happen.

Could they possibly go all the way?

Wouldn't it be cool if, like, in the year 2095, people were saying, "Y'know, the Cubs haven't won the World Series since 2003!"? That would SOOOOO rock!

:: Di 10:00:00 PM [+] ::

Here's how I spent my afternoon:

Watching the Brewers-Astros game on FOX whilst listening to the Pirates-Cubs game on 801 AM radio ... and occasionally watching "bonus coverage" of the game on TV ... which, of course, BEGGED the question: Why were we, here in the Midwest, getting the Brewers-Astros game instead of the Pirates-Cubs game?

Nevermind: CUBS WIN! And now, the magic number is down to 1. Which means they have to win this evening's game or tomorrow's game, or preferably both, and they will be the National League Central CHAMPIONS! (Let's don't even think about them not winning.)

During the game, it began raining here, a hard, steady rain, and then the sun was shining brightly, too, but ... no rainbow. However, it seemed appropriate-style weather for what was going on, baseball-wise.

Should the Cubs actually advance ... and miraculously make it to the World Series ... and magically WIN the World Series ... I fully expect earthquakes, floods, plagues, etc. Along with hell freezing over and all that good stuff.

Still tired. In the mood for a chat, but ... no one to be found. Oh, well, maybe later.

Back to cleaning ...

:: Di 4:07:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, September 26, 2003 ::
Here comes the rain again ...

Yeah, it's raining. For, like, only the 3rd time this year. Oh, OK, that can't be true ... but it seems that way. But it's raining now, so I cannot complain.

I remember sitting in Room 322 with Roommate and listening to the Eurythmics sing on the Touch CD. Oh, waitaminute: It wasn't the CD. This was 1983-84; it was a cassette tape. Can't remember if I ever had that on vinyl; don't think I did. Got it on CD now, though. GREAT album, espec. these songs: "Here Comes the Rain Again," "Right By Your Side" and, of COURSE: "No Fear, No Hate, No Pain, No Broken Hearts." What an awesome song!

I am as tired as tired can be. Told Tee-Hee I would stick around 'til 11, though, so I shall see if she makes it. She and the spouse were heading to Six Flags tonight ... which, oddly enough, sounds like fun. IF a person didn't have to WORK tonight. Ah, but I am done early ... and tired. As tired can be.

Last night I forgot to mention the 3-legged dog. I would post a photo, but, alas, I'm not all FTP'd on this new computer, and to be quite honest, I really don't feel like fucking with it right now. I'm just not in reinstall mode yet. And when the weekend gets here ... all I want to do is recuperate.

Maybe I need vitamins. Maybe I won Mega Millions. Maybe I think too much.

Anyhoo, the dog: I was shooting photos at a h.s. cross country meet, and I looked up and saw this lil' beagle scampering along with a small group of girls who were racing. I snapped a photo and then called the dog over, and I quickly realized she had only 3 legs! I thought that was so totally cool ... and, once again, the girl who finds inspiration EVERYWHERE, again was inspired.

The dog seemed to be having so much fun! So, she went on her merry way, and a couple of races later, I was talking to my co-worker, whose son also happened to be running in that particular race, and next thing we knew: Here came her son! And here came the 3-legged dog! So I called her over, again, and this time I made Becky take a picture of her. With me.

Another song for the mix:

"The Saddest Song I've Got" by Annie Lennox

Whoa, yeah.

"Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles


What else? Hmmm, I guess I'd best get the whole Music Match Jukebox thingie all figured out before I go "to mixing." DAMN that virus or whatever that blitzed my laptop. Need to get online and find a new hard drive to put in it; I can already feel myself all out-of-synch without the laptop. Not that I mind the bigger, brighter, flat-panel monitor, but ... I just GOTTA be portable. Even if I never go anywhere ... or at least, anywhere that I need to take my laptop.

:: Di 10:53:00 PM [+] ::
:: Thursday, September 25, 2003 ::
I'm so open.

I am fixin' to make a mix. And it requires a certain amount of energy because I have lost a ('nother) computer to a busted hard drive within the last 2 weeks, and I am not looking forward to reinstalling all the KRAP I had on the laptop onto the brand-spankin' new Compaq Presario *wondering if that's Spanish* because it all takes time and patience. Plus I have to do a "search & rescue" on the laptop hard drive before I can even think about installing a new hard drive in it ... and I fear it might ended up being a "search & recovery" expedition, anyway, because I'm not quite certain how to retrieve all that stuff from my desktop.

Ah, what an idiot. I mean, I should know from the first two disasters that YOU MUST BACK UP IMPORTANT DATA ... and yet, do I do it? No. And this time, I even had the CD burner, which meant saving kazillions of photos in about 5 minutes. And now, they're all still on there, somewhere, but I can't even bear the thought of going through and finding them ... and saving them on floppy disks ... ughhhh.

Will I ever learn? One wonders.

In the meantime, while I ease back into the swing of work after the end of The Great Teachers' Strike of 2003, in-between my usual obsessing and what-not, I am in the process of putting together a mix. Tentatively titled my "Git Sad & Git Over It" mix. Including some stuff from The Great Fog of 2002 that sorta helped me "git" through, and also music from now.

Here are some of my mix pix, so far:

"Time" by Tom Waits (Tori's cover)
"Ventura" by Lucinda Williams
"Paradise" by Bruce Springsteen
"At My Most Beautiful" by REM
"Two of Us" by The Beatles (Aimee Mann cover)
"Perfect Blue Buildings / Anna Begins / Time and Time Again" medley by Counting Crows
"Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell
"Diamond Road" by Sheryl Crow ... or maybe "C'mon, C'mon"
"Small Swift Birds" by The Cowboy Junkies

Along with this one by the Junkies:

I'm So Open
(lyrics by Michael Timmins, music by Michael Timmins, Alan Anton and Peter Timmins)

Just outside there waiting.
Just outside the circle.
Waiting for that finger to point your way.
Just keep running. Just keep running.
New ones quickly burning. Old ones die away.
Fires lit to say goodbye or hello.
Which way you looking?
Which way you looking?

Count all wounds that brought you here,
Lay your blessings end to end.
Rid yourself of all regrets
because here is where it all begins.
A bumbler's game, a cheaters wheel
where the winner pays the highest cost.
You've laid your marker now watch the ball.
Hold your breath, it's about to fall.

Just outside there waiting.
Just outside the circle.
Waiting there is someone, I don't know who.
I'm so open, I'm so open.

I don't sleep most nights,
just lie awake and count my blessings.
I'll take this endless life of perfect pointless mornings.
I'll hold you 'til the morning comes 'cause it's all that I can do.
I'm so open. I'm so open.
I don't like these last goodbyes.
I don't like goodbyes.

I have really started to love this song. Especially the part where she sings, "I'll hold you 'til the morning comes 'cause it's all that I can do." The music right then, and the words ... stirs something inside me.

I am out to win you over.

That's my new theme, by the way. I just realized it this week, in a moment of feeling sad and wistful and what-not, and remembering.

:: Di 10:39:00 PM [+] ::
Although ...

OK, I have been on a "season premiere" tangent this week. So far, I have managed to watch *counting on my fingers* 7 season premieres, counting ER, which is on at this very moment ... and not all that good, I might add, although ...

I did chuckle when Carrie/Kerrie (??) Weaver was yelling at the electrician and tapping him with her cane, and actually laughed OUT LOUD when she looked down and saw this guy with his big ol' crack showing.

I see a bad moon a-risin' ...

And I also laughed when someone asked Dr. Romano how his arm was, and he replied, "Gone."

So, here's how I would rank the premieres (all network shows; no DIgital cable for this girl, yet):

1. CSI: Miami — C+

Chad Lowe guest-starred, so that automatically awards points; gotta love that kid, ever since he played Jesse McKenna in Life Goes On. And the fact that he's married to Hilary Swank is just a bonus. However, I lost interest in this show around the 40-minute mark, which is just when I should really be getting "into it." Never did figure out what role that guy with the big mole who reminds me of Reggie S. had in this particular episode.

2. Judging Amy — A-

Amy Brenneman ROCKED. Maxine got me all teary-eyed putting lotion on Jillian's hands and arms, and Peter reading to J. from The Thorn Birds was a nice touch. Donna was her usual hilarious self; especially good scene when Amy fired the big-chinned smarmy law clerk and introduced her new clerk, Donna, who asked if she could hang up her diploma (seems she just graduated from law school), and Amy said, "Pick a wall." I love their relationship. I gave the minus for "not enough Kyle." Oooh, and Maxine's new "trainee" is cute cute cute!

3. West Wing — A

Why do I like this show? Why does it trouble me that the only other person with whom I can discuss this show is Kevin? Why was I even MORE frightened when Kev and I both revealed our mutual love of SportsNight? I dunno, but I do like this show, and when I asked Kevin his favorite character, he couldn't answer, so I never did, either, but the more I think about it, the more I am leaning toward Donna. Or maybe C.J. Or perhaps Josh. Line o' the night came from Goodman as the substitute prez at the staff meeting, when he mentioned that, as everyone could see, he was "one prime rib dinner away from a massive coronary" (or something along those lines). Great opera song at the end, but of course I never managed to look it up.

4. Law & Order — C

Kinda boring. Although the bad guy was especially creepy. Had a voice that reminded me of Ralph Fiennes, without the British accent. OK, I'll give it a B-minus.

5. Friends — A

I'm easy. And not an especially die-hard Friends fan. I do adore Joey, though. Funny scene with Chandler reaching in and pulling Joey out of Rachel's room, just before Ross barged in. More funniness when Rach and Joey were attempting to make out again but Ross's face kept morphing onto the others' body. I KIK'd over Monica with corn-rows caught in the shower curtain.

6. CSI — C

A tad confusing. Started out with brown-haired guy and blonde-haired girl being scoped out by fellow brown-haired guy/blonde-haired girl, then switched to all-brown-haired (Hispanic?) couple being murdered, then back to another brown-haired/blonde-haired girl couple being murdered, then murder suspects turned up murdered. Then: TO BE CONTINUED. I also had issues with Marg Helgenberger's (sp?) clothes: She started out with this tan-trimmed sorta V-neck which I noticed because of how unbecoming it was, and then she switched to something else, and then in a later scene, she had the V-neck on again. Plus, I'd heard them refer to "murder central" (hotel rooms located near exits) last season and found that annoying.

7. ER — F+ (Hehe: Failing, with honors!)

The fact that I returned to my online journal for the first time in *checking date of last entry* 18 days DURING the season premiere should speak for itself. If not: I would suggest getting rid of Corday, Susan Lewis, flattop ex-China Beach guy, Deb or Ming or whatever her name is and possibly Carrie/Kerry — although she IS good for laughs, but if they aren't ever going to do anything credible with the whole gay thing, then what the hell? Axe her! I'd keep Romano and Abby (just realized she reminds me of a girl I know named Sarah ... not in any obvious way, but something about their eyes), and since Carter's leaving, anyway (isn't he?), good riddance. Oh, and I think Pratt has potential, but what the heck? Goofball. Same for Luka: Great storylines a couple of years ago, but now? Ah, well, I think he's gone, too. Again: Good riddance.

Gonna end this now and start a new one.

:: Di 10:10:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, September 07, 2003 ::
Life is beautiful.

And now, I am off to bed.

:: Di 9:58:00 PM [+] ::

Before I awoke today, I had the greatest dream.

I had been completely forgiven, by everyone. Mainly her.

OH: And my hubcaps were stolen while my car was in the parking lot, but I got the license plate of the guy who stole them, so it was all good.

: )

:: Di 10:09:00 AM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, September 02, 2003 ::

I have discovered the secret to having a good day:

Dread it. I mean, really really talk yourself into pre-hating it. Conjure up all sorts of negative scenarios. Convince yourself, in advance, that this day is going to be bad. Very bad.

Then, when you find yourself in a good mood on the very day you were dreading, tell yourself that maybe this day won't be so bad. As the day wears on, continue to revel in how much you are enjoying this day. Especially since you had dreaded it so much only the day before.

: )

I am in an REM phase, musically. Can't get enough of Reckoning at the moment, particularly "So. Central Rain" and "Time after Time." Then, when I switched from CD to radio whilst driving home from the tennis match, I heard "Losing My Religion."

And yet, "At My Most Beautiful" has vaulted its way to the top of the list. For me, anyway.

I count your eyelashes ...

: )

:: Di 11:42:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, September 01, 2003 ::
Is this irony?

Yesterday, a mere 5 days after receiving The Worst News Imaginable*, I received The Best News Ever: After years and years and years of NOT being able to see the CBS coverage of Labor Day matches at the U.S. Open because the network affiliate wherever I happened to be living would always insist on showing the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, I saw a scroll at the bottom of the screen saying that matches would be shown from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on the UPN network!

: )

I was so happy! I did the Snoopy "Suppertime" dance a few times around my living room! I called all of my close friends! I nearly swooned!

I also internally renegotiated my wake-up time, deciding on 10 a.m. instead of the previously decided-upon noon.

I was going to get to watch tennis!!! All day!!! COOL!!!

And when I woke up at 10:20 a.m. — according to my clock radio, purposely set 20 minutes fast — I practically sprinted to the living room, turned on the TV and prepared to settle in.

The first thing I saw on TV? Umbrellas. It was raining in New York.

No problem, I told myself. I'll go ahead and take a shower and when I get out, the rain will have stopped and play will have resumed on schedule.

Heh. Right.

Still raining.

Only now, they were showing a 1986 semifinals match between Steffi Graf and the living legend, Martina Navratilova. Which was kinda cool because I love Martina and all, and I had sorta forgotten whether she had won that match or not. I mean, I was pretty sure she had won it, but there was still that element of doubt and wondering, so I still found myself ROOTING FOR HER and cheering on certain points, even though the match had been played 17 YEARS AGO — when I was entering my SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!

: )

Classic Martina. And Classic Di, I must say. And yes, Martina DID win the match — in fact, I remember watching it because afterwards, Martina tried to console Steffi just a bit, and Steffi pretty much blew her off, and I remember thinking, Steffi's going to win this tournament sometime because she does NOT like to lose.

And then Pam Shriver interviewed Present-Day Martina, who was waiting to play doubles today but, like everyone else, had been rain-delayed. Good interview. And then a few minutes later, Lesley Visser came on with another of her "live from the locker room" (or wherever) interviews, which she started out by saying, "Now, in case you were wondering how they dry off the courts ..."


At that point, I headed out to go to the mall. Had to get me some "interview clothes," and I found some at a pretty good sale at Famous-Barr. And then came a search for shoes, and I looked at Target and Payless because, what the heck, I had just saved some major dinero on clothes, didn't want to pay a whole lot on los zapatos, but I found NOTHING at either place.

I also came to the conclusion that I am a shoe whore.

I cannot wear "cheap" shoes.

I'm not saying my shoes have to cost hundreds of dollars — WTF, I almost always wear tennis shoes!! — but I want good shoes.

Best shoe moment of all was when I was in Shoe Sensation looking for a pair of dress shoes (two pairs, actually) to match my new clothes, and instead I was checking out a pair of Adidas basketball shoes on display in the window, and my best pal/shopping companion caught me!

: )

Another good today moment: Cubs 7, Cardinals 0.

: )

* — Found out Five Guyz has been closed "permanently." Of course, they've closed and reopened, like, 6 times in the past 4 years, but ... who knows. In the meantime: No Italian pasta salads! MAJOR bummer!

(This post felt good. Maybe I am back? And the rain is POURING down here right now. Ahhhhh.)

:: Di 9:21:00 PM [+] ::

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