|JUN 66: I am 14 months old in this photo, and I am smiling because I have a new baby sister ... or maybe because I have just peed in the pool.
|I am an American.
|I type really fast.
|I am left-eye dominant.
|I brush & floss regularly.
|I am not as funny as I think I am, sometimes.
|I was born on Easter.
|I believe in music.
|I play tennis.
|I do not work quietly without disturbing others.
|I am a procrastinator.
|I watch certain movies just because I know they will make me cry.
|I am not my fucking khaki cargo shorts.
|:: The Good Guys [>]
|:: The Bad Guys [>]
|:: The Cute Guys [>]
|:: Clarke's Place [>]
|:: Over the Rhine [>]
|:: Gotham [>]
|:: Expedia [>]
|:: Rarely Updated [>]
|:: Google [>]
:: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 ::
Spring Break 2004: Day 3
:: Tuesday, March 30, 2004 ::
Outside has been just about as gray and gloomy as it could possibly be today (without raining). And my mood seems to match the weather.
Song in my head: "Like the Weather" by the 10,000 Maniacs. (Of COURSE!)
What a cold and a rainy day
Where on earth is the sun ... anyway?
E-mail o' the day: Something from my bank titled "Tax Help for Late Filers." Hmmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but is April 15 not still the filing deadline? And is today not March 31 — a full 15 days away from April 15?
So, just how well does my bank think it knows me? Huh??!
:: Di 4:23:00 PM [+] ::
I have a feeling I have been spending too much time alone. Which is precisely the reason I can't go anywhere, right now: I don't want to be alone.
Looks like I might need to get out of the house for most of tomorrow. For sanity's sake.
One of my all-time favorite Mary Chapin Carpenter songs was on that tape I tossed out. I discovered it one day whilst I was cleaning (coincidence?), and it was one of those tunes you listen to, and you swear you've heard it before but you don't know where. But it doesn't matter, really.
It's a love song.
Come on Home
I adore MCC. Wonder what she's recording, these days.
Slowly as you look at me
In your eyes I can't believe
All the love I'm seeing now
Plain as day to me somehow
Oh, love, come on home
Promises a heart can keep
Happiness is you and me
Never was a dream so right
Love has finally come in sight
Oh, love, come on home
You fit into my life and
You seem so right like someone planned it
You give yourself to me and
You give so easily, seems like you always understand
Everything says you are the one
Time is shining like the sun
Telling my heart what to say
Growing old with you someday
Oh, love, come on home....
— Mary Chapin Carpenter
:: Di 11:25:00 PM [+] ::
Spring Break 2004: Day 2
:: Monday, March 29, 2004 ::
Just ran across something I should've thrown out but didn't. Something I shouldn't've read, then, but did.
And now I have The Cure's "Picture of You" in my head ... but it wasn't a picture I ran across. Mere words.
And just to prove how serious I am about this cleaning jag, I just threw away 3 cassettes: Carole King's Tapestry, Mary Chapin Carpenter's Hometown Girl and Book of Love's Book of Love. And I NEVER throw away music, but ... what the hell, I can't play them in my car, and besides, I have the CDs, anyway, 2 copies of Book of Love's album, now that I think about it, or at least, I did, at one time.
:: Di 2:53:00 PM [+] ::
Spring Break 2004: Day 1
:: Sunday, March 28, 2004 ::
"How I Spent My Morning" would be far too boring a post; let's just say it involved lots of quality time spent in the bathroom, scrubbing and what-not, and leave it at that, shall we?
Daytime TV is amusing. Helen Mirren on The View: YAY! I adore her and am pleased to find out that Det. (? — can't remember what her official title is) Jane Tennison is back, apparently on BBC, but who knows, maybe I will be able to find it on PBS. LOVE Prime Suspect. Yes, I do.
The Food Network apparently has reworked its daytime schedule. A little too much Sarah Moulton ... no offense to her or her show, and I do adore the fact that she's a lefty, but ... I dunno, not enough chaos going on in her kitchen, a la Racheal Ray or Mario or Jamie Oliver (*swoon*).
The Weather Channel has been pretty much WRONG with the area forecast for the last 3 days. Which isn't necessarily all that upsetting, considering they've been predicting rain and it's been mostly sunny every day!
I am officially giving up on All My Children. Far too depressing. Primarily, I am aggravated beyond belief that every bad thing the writers can dream up happens to Bianca, daytime's token lesbian. Oh, wait, she does have a girlfriend (Lena) and a best friend (Maggie) who appears to have some kind of crush on Bianca. But still. What is it with the daytime writers, particularly AMC's, and their insistence on torturing infants/children?
Blah. Too much of a downer. Next!
And just when I needed something to make me smile, this is what I saw out my living-room window (the one just beyond my monitor):
I heard a bit of a commotion and looked out to see a male cardinal bathing himself in the small "stream" that has formed between the edge of my yard and that of the neighbor's (actually, it's my State Farm agent's office!), which kind of slants downward. And last night, while I was driving home in the deluge — in-between hydroplaning a couple of times and nearly being run off the road by a semi — and could barely even see the road, at times, I was cursing the rain ... but today, when outside it is sunny and cool and just beautiful, really, I am glad for the rain and the leftover water in my yard.
Because I had a difficult time getting a good shot of Mr. Redbird (through the not-so-clear window glass and the screen), I moved to my bedroom to see if I could get a better angle. The male cardinal had flown away, but the female was flitting around the branches of an evergreen tree, so I snapped a few photos of her before she, too, moved inside the tree, possibly to the family's nest. Saw a squirrel and a sparrow, too; guess that evergreen is a popular place.
And at the office next door, they leave the door open on nice days like this. And I could hear the people inside, perfectly clearly, through my window while I took a 15-minute nap.
I was thinking, earlier, that this was a great day because 1. I haven't left the house, except to take some trash out to the can, and 2. I haven't spent any money, but then I realized I did write some checks to pay some bills earlier, so yes, I did, indeed, spend some money.
But it's still a great day ...
:: Di 1:38:00 PM [+] ::
Georgia Tech 79, Kansas 71 (OT)
:: Saturday, March 27, 2004 ::
And so, today I found myself taking a surprise mini-road trip to St. Louie to pick up K to go see my first-ever (is that redundant, to say "first-ever"? I mean, if you say "first," doesn't that suffice??!) regional championship game in the men's NCAA basketball tournament. And I must say, I was pretty damn excited because in all those years as a sports editor, I had never managed to go to any of the tournament games, despite the fact that I've pretty much followed the tourney since 1983. When N.C. State defeated Phi Slamma Jamma (a.k.a. Houston) on a last-second shot. After I had fallen in love with Jim Valvano and his team.
Anyhoo, we went to the Eddie Jones Dome to discover that (surprise!) the place was packed with Kansas fans. No big shocker there, considering Missouri is practically their home state. Or their next-door-neighbor state. No kidding, it was like 13-to-1, the ratio of KU fans to Tech fans ... plus we had some somewhat mouthy woman sitting next to us, so K and I pretty much had to root for Tech ... which was cool because they had this 7-foot-1 center from Australia who reminded me of Luc Longley of the long-ago Bulls and this AMAZING point guard named Jarrett Jack who, in addition to having a very cool name, scored 29 points to go with 9 rebounds and 4 steals. Plus he looks a little like Willis Drummond.
Guy behind us resembled Garth of Wayne's World. He would've been incredibly annoying if I'd really had a strong feeling for either team. Especially if I'd had a strong feeling for KU.
Right now I am watching the ending of Notting Hill, a movie I've tried to watch at least 3 times. I still say Hugh Grant bears an uncanny resemblance to our former mayor ... who is female. Their coloring is completely different (she with kind of a dark complexion, dark hair, green eyes, Hugh all pasty and British [!], brown hair, blue eyes), but something about their hair (kinda cowlicky in front and sorta humpy) and their expressions ... I dunno, they remind me of each other. And I have yet to see them in the same room at the same time, so ... who knows?
I got rained on and nearly to the point of being soaked no less than 3 times today.
All the more reason it was a very good day.
On the drive over, whilst listening to Unforgettable Fire CD, I had this thought:
I wish you could see me the way you saw me when you didn't know it was me.
(Although I know that last "me" should be "I.")
Julia Roberts is beautiful. And she doesn't remind me of anyone but Julia Roberts.
I am crunching on her right now, telling Hugh/Pat she wants to spend time with him, to see if maybe he might like her again.
Damn, I know that feeling.
I think I need to change these colors. Sometime soon.
:: Di 10:12:00 PM [+] ::
This movie begins and ends with my very favorite U2 song, ever: "Bad."
That made me very, very happy.
Plus, how can you go wrong with Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke? Lisa and Jesse, right there onscreen together.
:: Di 11:17:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, March 26, 2004 ::
I have developed a plan for my vacation, which I am henceforth referring to as Spring Break:
Di: I have to do it. This place has hit critical mass!
The Lovely: You mean, critical mess!
Di: Heh. Yeah. You're SOOOO funny ... but, you're right.
The Lovely: Need me to come over to help you throw anything out?
Di: Uhm, no. You can come over once I'm finished.
This will be good for my soul, I have decided.
Nothing is secure.
I have broken down my house into rooms: Bedroom I, Bedroom II, Kitchen, Living Room, Bathroom. (Utility Room I and II can wait 'til summer, I have decided). From there, I have decided upon 4 categories regarding all of the "things" I have: Keep, Toss, Things I Might Be Able to Sell on eBay, Electronics.
I have 1 week to accomplish my goal.
I might not even reckonize this place once I am finished.
* Looking around *
I might need more than 1 week!
Random quote: "She's in my heart. She's in my heart. Always has been, always will be. It's as simple as that." — Jackson Montgomery, All My Children, March 25, 2004
(Did I actually just quote a soap opera character, just then?)
:: Di 4:03:00 PM [+] ::
I'm on VACATION!!!!
:: Wednesday, March 24, 2004 ::
Yeah, I planned to take a week's vacation the week after my birthday (April 18), but I was kind of hankering for some time off before then ... for my own sanity ... and then it started looking like I might not be able to take any until ... well, too long from now ... so I decided: this week.
I am going on vacation THIS WEEK! (Or next week, however you look at it.)
Starting tonight, I am on vacation. For a week.
What to do, what to do ...
I should go on an adventure.
But then again ... my life is a bit of an adventure, most days.
I should tape this link up to the left, but that would mean going to the settings and messing with the template and all that and ... ugh, I just don't feel like it.
(Have I ever mentioned my disdain for coding and all that what-not?)
:: Di 10:23:00 PM [+] ::
OK, so maybe I don't need a tripod.
:: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 ::
On Tuesday, Matt tells me about a great photo-op of the moon and Mars, but then I get all bummed out because ... yeah, it's cloudy all day and night. And then I nearly forget about it today because I find myself — as I sometimes get after I have been concentrating really hard for an extended period of time (or for even what seems to be an extended period of time ... which, in this case, was approximately a week, give or take a few random hours in-between) — COMPLETELY unable to concentrate. I manage to get through work and then home by noon, and most of the day is spent in some kinda la-la land ...
And then, tonight, I step outside whilst doing laundry disguised as watching the dog, and there's the moon and Mars, just sorta hanging out together in the western sky. And my first thought is, "Cool," And my second thought is, "My camera!" (These thoughts were vocalized; hence, the quotation marks.) And I realize that I am camera-less (WHEN will I learn?), so I hop into my car and speed across town, gather up both cameras and speed back over. I think about stopping along the way, but I am perilously close to being out of gas — which means no driving out toward the airport, free from roofs and branches and wires and other impediments that send my cameras' autofocuses (autofoci?) into disarray — so I must first get gas before I can even think about shooting pictures.
And the reason I am hurrying around is because there are clouds in the sky. Not heavy, sky-covering clouds like yesterday and last night, but clouds that could, if they so decided, cloud my view of the moon and Mars.
And suddenly, I like the fact that I have been known to drive a little too fast to catch up to a sunset. Or a moonrise. Or the one time I went to cover a track and field meet, and on the way back to town, I began listening to a regional or maybe sectional softball game that had gone into extra innings, and the closer I got to home, the more I realized how exciting the finish of this game would be, so I instead veered off to the town where this game was being played and drove to the park and ventured onto the field (it's OK: I am media) just in time to get this great shot of a runner sliding past third and (apparently) being tagged out but called safe as the pitcher and the catcher and the umpire all watched the play. (If memory serves, the girl eventually scored the winning run. I entered the photo in a statewide contest and ended up getting 2nd or 3rd, don't remember which, all I know is, it was the best of the top 3 photos, but the winning picture was a routine shot of a girl jumping a hurdle — the kind of shot I used to take at least 25 of during any track and field season. [Hurdle shots are easy: You simply focus on the hurdle and wait 'til the hurdler you are shooting goes over it.] Definitely NOT a contest winner, even if I hadn't had a photo entered in the contest.)
Anyhoo, I shoot photos of the moon and Mars with my Kodak and the Olympus, and once again I am lamenting my lack of a tripod (what are they, like, $5 at Wal-Jack?). And then I spy, in the landlords' yard, one of those lawn jockeys, so I squat down next to it and kind of use the thing's head as sort of a stabilizer. But the sky is too dark and I apparently don't hold quite still enough to get a perfectly clear photo.
But when I look through all my pictures, I find one that I shot sans lawn jockey tripod, and I realize: Who needs a tripod, really?
Mars looks like a musical note, I think.
:: Di 10:01:00 PM [+] ::
"We're goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo ..."
:: Saturday, March 20, 2004 ::
"You can come, too, too, too!"
I think I remember a song like that, from my childhood. Along with a storybook about kids going to the zoo, and they make this train-like thingie with boxes and what-not. Might be called Do You Know the Way to the Zoo? or something like that.
I know, I know: That's exactly what Google is for. But again: Not in the mood.
Besides, I just Googled to make sure that this beautiful beast is, indeed, a jaguar.
It occurred to me, just now, that I am somewhat animal ignorant. Oh, sure, I know the difference between an elephant and a camel and a frog, but when it comes to the fine-tuning — being able to tell a leopard from a jaguar from a cheetah — well, I am admittedly quite lame.
Maybe I need me one o' those pocket guides. Kinda like the one I wanted for weather, once upon a time, or the one I almost got my mom for birds. Oh, sure, I can look up any animal on the Net, but a book ... ah, a book. If you have a book, you have reference material you can carry with you.
Course, a laptop computer with wireless service would suffice, too.
Course, my laptop is still sitting there, broken. And it's not like I really took it anywhere, anyways.
(Why do I continue to type "anyways" when I never actually say the word "anyways"?)
Next slide. *ca-click!*
"It stinks in the penguin house." — Kurt on Sunday, March 21, 2004
(Yeah, but not as much as in the monkey house.)
For M., wherever I may find her ...
Finished an annoying project today at work AND found out I get 30 vacation days this year, thanks to some corporate screw-up or something. Which is DOUBLE what I normally get — and is 9 more than what I originally told I was going to get, thanks to the corporate screw-up.
Which means, in theory, I could take off a whole month ... and still have, like, 5 days to spare!
"Thirty days hath September, April, June and November ..."
Odd. I think those are my 4 favorite months. In this order: April (my birthday, Easter, transition from spring to summer), September (fall weather, colors, lotsa sunshine), June (Mom's birthday, school's out), November (Thanksgiving, crazy holiday shopping, football playoffs).
OK, maybe I like May and July better than November. And March has its moments. And October is cool. And I can't count out December because ... well, yeah. December.
Well, anyways, I like 'em all better than January or February. Ugh-fest!
'Cept, of course, when it snows.
:: Di 10:53:00 PM [+] ::
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
:: Thursday, March 18, 2004 ::
Kate Winslet is beautiful.
Something about her reminds me so much of my pal Kara. And I can't even say what it is because I really, truly do not know. They really don't look alike, they don't sound alike ... I dunno, it's strange.
I have never seen Kate give a bad performance. Granted, I've seen her in only a few movies, relatively speaking: Heavenly Creatures, Titanic, The Life of David Gale. Still, she never disappoints.
Went to see Eternal Sunshine this evening. I originally headed out for the 1:30 p.m. showing but got as far as the interstate and thought, damn, I'm too tired to drive all the way there and see a movie. Plus a storm was approaching, and I wanted to sit and listen to it.
And I did.
And then I went to the 4:20 showing.
Sat down and almost immediately had a wadded-up napkin land on the floor next to me. I looked around, thought it was my imagination ... and then a napkinwad hit me in the shoulder. Turns out a couple I knew were sitting a few rows behind me. They asked me to come sit with them, so I did ... even though, truthfully, sometimes I really really prefer to watch a movie alone. Or at least alone amongst the hundred or so other people in the theater.
I can't quite decided, just yet, what I thought of the movie.
I don't think I liked it as well as Adaptation, but I know I liked it better than Being John Malkovich, which I've yet to see the last 20 minutes or so of. I'm still trying to sort out exactly what happened in Eternal Sunshine.
But the premise ... ahh, the premise: Having the memory of someone erased from yer mind.
Wow. Now THAT hits home.
I have actually had that desire over these last 4 years ... espec. over the last 2. I actually had this crazy notion of going to a hypnotist to see if you could actually be hypnotized to forget about someone! So, I related to the idea of having a "spotless mind."
To erase the pain. And the sadness. And the knowledge that in the midst of some of the most intense feelings you have ever felt, toward anyone, you managed to cause pain. (And wishing, somehow, that you could make them forget they ever knew you ... to keep them from ever having felt anything bad, thanks to you.)
So, I liked the premise of the movie and wanted to see how it all played out.
At the moment, though, I am still sorting it all out. What happened when, exactly (you can keep up by Kate's hair color, mainly ... sorta), and how long "Joel" and "Clementine" were actually together.
Might have to see this one a 2nd time. Or a 3rd.
:: Di 10:22:00 PM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, March 17, 2004 ::
Guess who picked Fla. to go all the way to the NCAA Tournament FINALS??!
:: Di 1:33:00 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 ::
Saw this in an AP story yesterday:
Bruce Springsteen inducted Jackson Browne, noting with some jealousy that while he and his E Street Band usually drew an audience filled with men, Browne was a magnet for women. Springsteen called Browne a "bona fide rock 'n' roll sex star."
Man, I LOVE The Boss! And J.B. ain't so bad, neither!
"Jackson was drawing more women than an Indigo Girls show," Springsteen said.
She was a friend to me when I needed one ...
:: Di 10:02:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, March 14, 2004 ::
Saw that on a license plate a few minutes ago.
Am I happy?
Well, I could be doing something I really love every day instead of something I just happen to be good at. And I could be making more money.
I have a person I would really like to talk to about a whole lot of things. And I really think a heart-to-heart conversation would go a long way.
But would it make me happy? Hmmm ... I might hear some stuff I really did not want to hear. In fact, it is pretty likely I would hear some stuff I really did not want to hear.
So, professionally, personally, I guess I could be happier. But I could be unhappier, for sure.
And what else is there, anyway?
My mood, in a nutshell: It was gray and rainy and cold here all day. Good napping weather ... and I did. A primary election I could not care less about if I tried is being tallied up right now, and the candidate I was supposed to get a picture of cannot be found. (He is losing.)
:: Di 8:37:00 PM [+] ::
:: Friday, March 12, 2004 ::
That is the message I am getting.
From the fortune cookie message I keep here on my desk ...
Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.
... to the March 12, 2004 entry in Matt's journal to this snippet from Tee-Hee during yesterday's chat ...
Tee-Hee: just bring it up ... be bold
Tee-Hee: take a chance!
To boldness! Always!
:: Di 10:33:00 AM [+] ::
One o' those nights I wished I'd-a had my camera with me ...
:: Sunday, March 07, 2004 ::
Driving back from the lake — after wolfing down McDonald's (Happy Meal with 4-piece chicken McNuts for her, Happy Meal, cheeseburger with pickle and ketchup only for me, please; Cokes w/both o' those, and BOY toys — David Beckham-like Lego soccerman for both of us!) following a longer-than-necessary discussion about dinner — I look up and to the right when she tells me, "Look!"
Atop the ridge of a mine shut down many months ago were 3 deer. Silhouetted by the bright just-past-sunset sky, they stood looking down at us and watching. A couple hundred feet further down the road, another deer, watching, soon joined by 2 more deer.
I try to pull over and almost bottom-out while nearly angling my car right into a ravine. Camera's at home; not like I coulda gotten a shot, anyway.
Earlier this week:
Ran one kinda like this today on the front page. (Gotta take advantage when we've got process color — usually only 1 or 2 days per week.)
I discovered several crocus patches when I was wanting to shoot daffodils. (The Lovely calls them jonquils; I believe they're the same thing, but I, being no horticultural expert, couldn't really say for sure.) And I shot some daffodils and then went on a yellow tangent for a few minutes, but I'm not in the mood for it right now. Maybe later.
And then my mom got sick.
The nurse told me, "She had a small M.I." (I knew what that meant: myacardial infarction [sp?] = heart attack), then said, "I mean, 'small heart attack.'"
And I was thinking, my mom is in great shape. She is thin, she gets plenty of exercise, there is no history of heart disease on her side of the family, how could this possibly happen??!
Drove up to see her. Doctors put her through a whole slew of tests, only to discover that her heart is fine but she has a recurrence of pulmonary embolism (P.E. = blood clots in the lungs) that she suffered from 4 years ago. Nothing to take lightly, obviously, but better news, it seems, than an M.I. or other blockage.
While she waited for her lung scan, she knitted.
"My therapy," she called it.
:: Di 10:56:00 PM [+] ::
Full Moon Tonight
:: Friday, March 05, 2004 ::
And, I ask again: Where are you?
I have reached the conclusion that I am absolutely fixated on The Shield. So much so that now, every time I watch it, I find myself coming up with a new favorite character ... and even the ones I didn't necessarily like at first, I now adore.
Take, for example, toothy Shane (Walton Goggins). At first, he seemed like sort of a caricature of some horny high-school kid. Now ... I dunno. He's sorta grown on me. To the point I even think he's sorta cute. And he's got a kinda hot bod. (Can I say that? Hmm, guess I just did!)
And I am blown away by Claudette (CCH Pounder). Odd that I have seen her in dozens of shows and she never really stood out (to me); in this one, though, she's amazing. I love how she will not back down from Vic (Michael Chiklis), whom I of course cannot help but love ... and wonder about ...but still love.
Hmm, can you say, "Someone's spending a little TOO much time watching F/X??!"
Ah, what do I care? Spring is almost here, and then summer, and what am I gonna be watching then? Except maybe some baseball, and perhaps then I will even get caught up on movie-watching. 'Cause I am way, WAY behind. So much so that if I ever DO catch up with my muse once again, we're not going to have a single thing to talk about. And as for music ... did catch Norah Jones on SNL a few minutes ago. Wish I could figure out who her voice reminds me of ... and why my sister doesn't really like her at all.
Man, it would feel GREAT to get in my car and just drive.
No destination in mind.
I am feeling good, online-wise: Just tonight, I discovered a new message board at the Over the Rhine site, to which I have linked somewhere over there <------- to the left. It's called The Orchard, and yes, indeed, I am already registered. Haven't posted yet, but I am quite excited about it ... especially with the closing of Clarke's place. LOVE Karin & Linford's music, so it should be fun to hang out with some Rhinelanders.
I wanna be near the ocean.
Oh, watched Frequency tonight. 'Course, that shouldn't'a been such a big deal, considering I DO have the film on DVD ... but there I sat, watching it on network TV. Something about that movie really gets me, or at least certain parts ... in no small part because it reminds me of (missing) my dad ... yeah. And at one point in the evening, I was watching Pembleton (Andre Braugher) on that movie AND tonight's episode of Hack. Which was kinda funny.
Discovery of the day: Porkburgers and white pie are NOT a good way to start the day. At least not come 6 or so in the evening ... and I will leave it at that.
:: Di 12:14:00 AM [+] ::
Maybe I should just get drunk.
:: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 ::
:: Di 11:17:00 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 ::
Just took one of those "Which _____ are you?" quizzes: "Which Friends-related character are you?"
AND I'M JOEY! JOEY TRIBBIANI! I ADORE JOEY!
I could not be happier!
A great way to end a cold, gloomy day ... one that began with me shooting photos at a 3-car accident. With 1 fatality.
Welcome to the news department.
:: Di 11:24:00 PM [+] ::
I should be sleepin' ... yeah*
* — Said, or rather sung, to the tune of "You Should Be Dancing" by the Brothers Gibb.
Which is kinda funny because that little Bee Gees number — not even one of my favorites by them, actually — is not in my head, at all. What I actually have running through my mind is "Babylon" by David Gray.
This part, mostly:
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now ...
Wouldn't you know, the acoustic/live version I adore that was sent to me by a girl I adore even more is still locked in the damaged hard drive of the laptop computer, which is still lying on the floor, about 5 feet away from me ... next to the CD tower, actually, and still plugged in (don't want the battery to go dead; always thinking, I am) ... been there for about 7 months now. Scads of photos on there, too, and I was in such a rush to get a whatchamajigger cable so I could attempt a file transfer and salvage at least some of the pictures, but at the moment, said cable is still sitting on the couch, unopened.
But I have 2 versions of "Babylon" on the White Ladder CD, anyway, so: Let 'er rip!!
And my heart feels a lil' heavy at the moment 'cause Clarke is closing down his site, and I knew it was coming and I wasn't all that sad or surprised or anything ... and I hadn't even been posting there as much these past few months because it all seemed so ... fragile or something, and people had left ... but now, come the end of the month, it's going to be gone, and just thinking about it makes me ... well, sad. In a nostalgic sorta way or something.
I think of Clarke as a kindred spirit. Maybe because, for a while there, we liked the same girl. Not at the same time, exactly, but ... yeah.
If you want it
Come and get it
Cryin' out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt ...
And once again, I have to rethink these online relationships I've developed over the past few years. How long have I been online, anyway? Lemme see, I've burned through 3 laptops and am now on the handy-dandy desktop (I'm still a laptop kinda girl, I have decided, yes, I am), how long HAS it been? Five years, maybe six? I know I was behind the times for a while, and then I was hooked for a bit, and now ... I'm in and out of here every day, for what purpose other than tossing out a few things in here, and on a couple of other sites, and perusing and surfing and what-not. And in-between, at least a couple of times I've clicked with someone and gotten close, and it was unbelievably intense and intimate and ... yeah ... but it was still ... distant, somehow.
And the really difficult part about knowing someone online — even if you happen also to communicate outside of cyberspace — is you know only this tiny little piece of them. As much or as little as they choose to reveal. Or you.
I have my college pals' Web site where several of these women I have known since we were floormates together, all in our late teens/early 20s, post on a somewhat regular basis. And some of them I haven't seen since college graduation ? well, until we gathered in Vegas last fall, anyway — but still, with most of them, it's as if we have been together almost every day over these past 16 or so years. And many of them, I hadn't even kept in touch with until about a year ago when one of them started the site, but because we actually knew each other, way back when, we still have that connection to go back to. And we also have our current lives, and we all enjoy each others' online company.
And if we don't hear from each other for a few days, it's all OK because we know each other, and we realize it's just the usual ebb and flow of friendship.
Have I ever been as good of a friend as I think I have?
:: Di 10:52:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, March 01, 2004 ::
I get a call from Pat, the former mayor, at around 8:30 today. Pat is now the PR director at the local hospital, and she tells me there's going to be a helicopter landing at the new helipad at 10 a.m. No big deal if you happen to live in a big city or somethin', but around here: 'Copters is big news.
So about 10 'til, I head to the hospital, and as I'm pulling into the parking lot, I see the helicopter, in the sky off to the left. Or west. And I, thinking landing is imminent, whip my car into an empty space and tumble out of my car, Olympus C-5000 in hand.
Of course, the 'copter has to circle a coupla times, and then, as it's coming in, I realize, hmm, my car is parked perilously close to the landing pad. Too late to move it now, though — not if I wanna get a good shot of the helicopter coming in. So I wait for it to land, but in the meantime I realize that I have never been within close proximity of a 'copter as it's landing, and so the wind generated by its blades nearly blows me away. Plus I'm sorta concerned about debris hitting my car, but ... as it turns out, it's all good.
(I thought the landing pad would be ON TOP o' the hospital ... not on the ground RIGHT NEXT to the hospital.)
I snap a few more shots and head back to the office, only to find out later that had I stuck around for a few more minutes, I woulda gotten a free helicopter ride!
And later today, after a 2-hour round-trip with my best pal on a gorgeous sunny day and a trip to a Wal-Mart SuperCenter (which, if that one is a SuperCenter, then the new one we just got is a SuperDuperQuadruperCenter) and pizza at Auten's, I decide to snap a sunset. And I end up liking this one best because it's sorta dark (which the sky wasn't, actually, at the time), and when I look very closely I can see a row of birds (geese, probably) flying in front o' the sun.
(This one was taken with the Kodak 6490. I am convincing myself I love both of these cameras because a co-worker just got a digital Rebel today, and secretly I am feeling massive amounts of camera envy.)
:: Di 8:24:00 PM [+] ::
Quote(s) of the Day
"Education is the biggest scam going." — Frank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond
"It's one of those situations where the only thing you can do ... is nothing." — Di Winson, chat convo with Lisa J.
(Is it the sincerest form of self-indulgence to quote oneself in one's online journal?)
:: Di 11:07:00 PM [+] ::