Blahg, Take 2

Don’t you just love it when you’re sailing along on a blog entry and pause for a moment to upload a photo, only to have the computer lock up momentarily and then shut down the upload window AND the two open browsers?

OK, where was I?

I started off by mentioning that I have not felt very creative lately. At all. And then I was complaining about this just-before-waking-up dream I had this morning that had me thinking all kinds of anxious thoughts.

Such as:

I think I’m a writer, but what if I’m really not?

And:

Will I ever get my finances straightened out enough to start to get ahead?

Fortunately, as usual, I was running late for work, so by the time I had showered and gotten dressed and eaten my mandatory bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and bolted out the door, the random meaningless doubts and what-not that had bombarded my head a few minutes earlier were, surprisingly, gone.

And then, at work, I decided that I could, perhaps, jump-start my creativity by dipping into my archives. Post something colorful to jump-start my blog, which I fear has become more of a “blahg” than anything else. I’ll find one of my sunflower pictures, I told myself.

True to form, however, I couldn’t find the CD I was looking for but instead ran across one from Spring 2004. So here’s a crocus:

: )

After several consecutive weekends of doing nothing/sitting at home/recuperating, I found myself driving to Indianapolis this weekend with The Lovely. A trip that, over the last two years, has been anything but routine: Last year, we had to drive about 40 mph on the way there because of the snow- and ice-covered interstate between here and Effingham, and two years ago, we got snowed-in at Plainfield (about 10 minutes outside Indy) because of a sudden snowstorm.

I managed to see Brokeback Mountain Saturday afternoon, and I have to say, after all the controversy/hype: I wanted/expected more, somehow.

Don’t get me wrong: There were some beautiful moments throughout the film, and the fact that a loving, long-term, sexual relationship between two men was the focal point of a “mainstream” movie is a pretty big deal. And I thought Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were both great — just as they have pretty much been great in just about everything I have ever seen either of them in (personal faves: Monster’s Ball and The Patriot for Heath, Moonlight Mile and October Sky for Jake) — as was Michelle Williams, a.k.a. that girl from Dawson’s Creek (but not the one who’s having Tom Cruise’s baby).

And the story was believable: Back in the 1960s and ’70s, it would likely have been very dangerous for two men to have been openly gay in Wyoming (or anywhere else, for that matter); in fact, how safe was Laramie, Wyo., for Matthew Shepard as recently as 1998?

I mean, I know there is a much higher level of acceptance of homosexuality now than there was 20 or 30 years ago, but even so, there are many, many people who are unwilling to let go of the notion that being gay is a sin. And somehow, because homosexuality is a so-called sin, this allows certain people to deem this sin as being worse than others — which, in turn, allows them to be as hateful as they wish to this particular kind of sinner.

Even as they admit (grudgingly, I am sure) that everyone sins.

All that being said, I wanted to see more between Ennis Del Mar and Jack “Fucking” Twist.

(Perhaps I am greedy? So be it!)

: )

To cap off my weekend, I had to drive the kidlets to Chester. And I was not looking forward to it because I had already driven almost four hours that day.

But the evening sky was magical last night, with swirls of clouds and light just after sunset. And then I remembered: It was during this drive one time, I cannot remember when, that I noticed the snow on the ground along the side of the road, in shadow, appeared to be blue rather than white.