Practice Makes Perfect

From today’s Associated Press wire:

A 13-member jury made up of Methodist clergy convicted the Rev. Irene Elizabeth Stroud on the second day of her church trial. Methodist law bars “self-avowed, practicing homosexuals” from ministry. Nine votes were necessary for a conviction and the jury voted 12-1 to find Stroud guilty.

Hmm, lemme reread part of that: Methodist law bars “self-avowed, practicing homosexuals” from ministry.

Guess that’s one reason I am no longer a “practicing Methodist.”

: (

What is this “practicing homosexuals” terminology, anyway? What is it, like, softball practice? Or, hey, if you practice your typing skills, you will eventually be able to type 125 words per minute? And if you work really really really hard at being a homosexual, gays or lesbians everywhere will be simply unable to resist your considerable charms?

And while I am on this tangent: How about generic references to “the homosexual lifestyle”? What is that supposed to be?

*Suddenly going into Robin Leach voice-over mode*

Why, yes, in this episode of “Lifestyles of the Gay and Not-So-Famous,” we watch as the typical average normal lesbian drives her American-made car with the Japanese-manufactured motor the 3.4 miles to her middle-management corporate-owned but locally run job to earn money to pay for the 2.5 children she and her partner are raising — minus shared medical benefits because, God forbid, God obviously forbids allowing domestic partnerships among such non-traditional families. In-between all that atypical, abnormal behavior, we see that the average lesbian uses as much free time as possible during her day to perform such homosexual-specific tasks as making minor repairs around the home, cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, helping the kids with their homework, etc., which we soon realize leaves very little time for “practicing homosexuality” — in much the same way that the majority of her friends, the “practicing heterosexuals,” fail to get in their required amount of practice during any given day or night, either.

: )

Thank God I was born this way — with such great sense of humor!