Blahg, Take 2

Don’t you just love it when you’re sailing along on a blog entry and pause for a moment to upload a photo, only to have the computer lock up momentarily and then shut down the upload window AND the two open browsers?

OK, where was I?

I started off by mentioning that I have not felt very creative lately. At all. And then I was complaining about this just-before-waking-up dream I had this morning that had me thinking all kinds of anxious thoughts.

Such as:

I think I’m a writer, but what if I’m really not?

And:

Will I ever get my finances straightened out enough to start to get ahead?

Fortunately, as usual, I was running late for work, so by the time I had showered and gotten dressed and eaten my mandatory bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and bolted out the door, the random meaningless doubts and what-not that had bombarded my head a few minutes earlier were, surprisingly, gone.

And then, at work, I decided that I could, perhaps, jump-start my creativity by dipping into my archives. Post something colorful to jump-start my blog, which I fear has become more of a “blahg” than anything else. I’ll find one of my sunflower pictures, I told myself.

True to form, however, I couldn’t find the CD I was looking for but instead ran across one from Spring 2004. So here’s a crocus:

: )

After several consecutive weekends of doing nothing/sitting at home/recuperating, I found myself driving to Indianapolis this weekend with The Lovely. A trip that, over the last two years, has been anything but routine: Last year, we had to drive about 40 mph on the way there because of the snow- and ice-covered interstate between here and Effingham, and two years ago, we got snowed-in at Plainfield (about 10 minutes outside Indy) because of a sudden snowstorm.

I managed to see Brokeback Mountain Saturday afternoon, and I have to say, after all the controversy/hype: I wanted/expected more, somehow.

Don’t get me wrong: There were some beautiful moments throughout the film, and the fact that a loving, long-term, sexual relationship between two men was the focal point of a “mainstream” movie is a pretty big deal. And I thought Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were both great — just as they have pretty much been great in just about everything I have ever seen either of them in (personal faves: Monster’s Ball and The Patriot for Heath, Moonlight Mile and October Sky for Jake) — as was Michelle Williams, a.k.a. that girl from Dawson’s Creek (but not the one who’s having Tom Cruise’s baby).

And the story was believable: Back in the 1960s and ’70s, it would likely have been very dangerous for two men to have been openly gay in Wyoming (or anywhere else, for that matter); in fact, how safe was Laramie, Wyo., for Matthew Shepard as recently as 1998?

I mean, I know there is a much higher level of acceptance of homosexuality now than there was 20 or 30 years ago, but even so, there are many, many people who are unwilling to let go of the notion that being gay is a sin. And somehow, because homosexuality is a so-called sin, this allows certain people to deem this sin as being worse than others — which, in turn, allows them to be as hateful as they wish to this particular kind of sinner.

Even as they admit (grudgingly, I am sure) that everyone sins.

All that being said, I wanted to see more between Ennis Del Mar and Jack “Fucking” Twist.

(Perhaps I am greedy? So be it!)

: )

To cap off my weekend, I had to drive the kidlets to Chester. And I was not looking forward to it because I had already driven almost four hours that day.

But the evening sky was magical last night, with swirls of clouds and light just after sunset. And then I remembered: It was during this drive one time, I cannot remember when, that I noticed the snow on the ground along the side of the road, in shadow, appeared to be blue rather than white.

Sunday Evening

Half-watching football. Seattle currently leads Carolina 10-0 in the NFC Championship game, the winner to play Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl. Ho-hum.

I borrowed this from Steve’s journal:

FOUR JOBS YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:

1. Babysitter; 2. Pollinator; 3. Ad Proofer; 4. Editor

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD (AND DO!) WATCH OVER AND OVER:

1. Field of Dreams; 2. Fried Green Tomatoes; 3. Jerry McGuire; 4. Love Actually

FOUR CITIES YOU’VE LIVED IN:

1. Shelbyville; 2. Charleston; 3. Bloomington; 4. Benton (all in Illinois)

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:

1. CSI (Las Vegas & Miami; cannot bear NY); 2. Criminal Minds; 3. Boston Legal; 4. House

FOUR PLACES YOU’VE BEEN ON VACATION:

1. London; 2. Paris (twice); 3. Cancun, Mexico; 4. Las Vegas (thrice ... but once by accident)

FOUR WEB SITES YOU VISIT DAILY:

1. Yahoo! (primarily for e-mail purposes); 2. Pem Hall site; 3. The Orchard; 4. Blogger (to log-in, of course)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:

1. Pizza; 2. Diane’s imperial chicken; 3. My spaghetti; 4. Honey Nut Cheerios (for the last 3 weeks, anyway)

FOUR PLACES I’D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

1. Key West, Fla.; 2. Melbourne, Australia (the Australian Open is going on right now!); 3. San Diego, Calif.; 4. Anywhere else that’s warm

Normal

Don’t look now, but I think I am almost feeling “normal” again. Which is, in and of itself, a pretty funny concept, considering what my definition of “normal” is compared to just about anyone else’s.

: )

All Funked Up

So, it appears the mid-winter doldrums have set in.

Helped along by the fact that, since the beginning of the year, I have had bronchitis. (I know for a fact I was coming down with it New Year’s Eve day because I remember having a little cough that I am convinced was triggered by all the cleaning I had been doing that week, specifically by the Lemon Pledge that I sprayed on my coffee table and dresser ... OK, and maybe all the dust I stirred up didn’t help matters ... anyhoo, I remember feeling really tired that day and a little woozy, in fact, and then the cough. Bleh.)

I have come to the conclusion that, for the most part, I can suck it up when it comes to being sick, but when I get really sick: I am a big baby. A mix, actually, between a big baby and a tired old dog that just wants to crawl off somewhere and be left alone, either to heal or to die.

: (

This is one of the ugliest days imaginable, but somehow, I can’t complain. Two days ago, it was 60 degrees here. Last Thursday, even when I was feeling rather rough, I sat out on The Lovely’s porch, soaking up sun rays! And right now, even though it’s ugly outside, and cold, as I sit here, typing away, just to the right of the keyboard, I can look through the window glass and the tattered screen and see the pine tree next door (Mental note: Look up what kind of pine tree it is in new Field Guide to North American Trees given to me by Julie, my Secret Santa at work!), and in-between the window and the branches and green pine needles, I see random flecks of white — snowflakes! — coming down.

I wanna feel normal again. The sooner the better.

: )

During my vacation the last week of last year, mixed-in with a couple of sick days this year, I have managed to get re-hooked on some of my favorite cooking shows on The Food Network.

Not that I have had any desire whatsoever to cook anything, nor have I actually cooked anything — aside from the spapizza I put together on the aforementioned New Year’s Eve. Oh, sure, I’ve heated up countless cans of chicken noodle soup in the microwave, but as for actual cooking: No. Not right now. No thanks.

I wish I had one-eighth the amount of energy of Rachael Ray. If I dated men, I’d want my boyfriend to look like Michael Chiarello. I want to eat a full day’s worth of meals cooked by Paula Deen.

I’ve even started liking Sandra Lee, who hosts this Semi-Homemade Cooking. I really couldn’t bear her before, but then, the other day, she did her entire program on cooking with beer. Which I realize is nothing all that new or unusual, but ... I dunno. Honestly, that show changed my whole perception of ol’ Sandra. Go figure.

(I’m easy.)

: )

Longer

Yesterday evening, right around 5 p.m., I noticed that there was still some daylight in the sky. This made me extremely happy.

The days, they are getting longer ...

I am no fan of January or February. I have a feeling I would be, if I happened to live somewhere like Key West. Mostly, I simply do not like cold, gray weather ... and yet, here I sit, age 40, a lifelong resident of the Midwest. Where winters are always cold and gray.

What would it be like to live somewhere with moderate temperatures, all year long? Would I be happy in a place where I could not count on spending a good month or so coughing each winter? What if I lived in a place where there was simply too much sunshine?

: o

March is OK. March is unpredictable, usually, so that makes it kinda fun. March was not all that fun when I occasionally had to attend some rather chilly outdoor sporting events, but you always knew April was coming, so it was OK. And April: Well, that is my birthday month, so it has always been special.

Love May. Love June. Love July ... though by now, I am already dreading the end of summer/start of school. Love August. Love September, perhaps more than any other month. Love October, pretty much, except it is so bittersweet: Some days you can actually feel winter is on its way; other days, it is still summer. Like November a lot (in no small part because I am SO fond of Thanksgiving food!).

Love December, too. Mostly for the memories.

Film Fixations

So, over the course of last week and the previous week, I have been fixated on a couple of films: Phantom of the Opera and Love Actually. Mostly because the previous week, I was on vacation, and this past week, I have basically been confined to home base the past 3 or 4 days with a case of bronchitis.

(The antibiotics seem to be doing their thing, thank you; I am not yet close to being 100 percent, but I am getting there. Hopefully, anyway. It truly sucks being sick.)

: (

So, yeah, I have watched Phantom 5 times over the last 2 weeks. Not 5 times all the way through (give me a break, I am not THAT obsessive!), but every time I see that it is on, I am compelled to pick up wherever it happens to be and watch for as long as I am able.

I actually went to see this movie when it was in the theater but somehow got sidetracked. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I love the story and the music.

Interestingly, I found a wishy-washy review written by Roger Ebert, in which he tried to pan the film but kept praising it for how good everything looked. And then he actually ripped on THE MUSIC! Even went so far as to suggest the filmmakers should have come up with some new songs!

Uhm, Roge, pardon me, but Phantom has at least 3 songs (“Angel of Music,” “Music of the Night” and “Say You Love Me”) that I would classify as excellent and a couple of others (“Think of Me” and “Masquerade”) that I have found myself humming over the last few days! And you think they should have changed the music?

Gimme a break.

As far as Love Actually: I just love it.

The movie consists of all these different relationships as part of one big interwoven story. And the music, of course, is, at times, just perfect. Like when kinda cute guy has just been found out for secretly being in love with Keira Knightley and we hear Dido singing “I Am What I Am” as he leaves his apartment, or when the Pointer Sisters sing “Jump” and Hugh Grant, a.k.a. the Prime Minister, does a dance reminiscent of Risky Business Joel from so many years ago.

Mostly, though, when Emma Thompson breaks down as Joni Mitchell does her slowed-down version of “Both Sides Now.” Perfect.

OK, time for some Tylenol.

: )

Sleep

This article just brought tears to my eyes. As did most of the entire saga of the West Virginia miners, as I watched CNN sporadically during the event but could not keep myself awake into the late-night coverage ... only to awaken to a tear-inducing headline on one of the morning newspapers proclaiming that 12 of the miners were alive ... only to be brutally kicked in the gut when I learned that 12 miners, instead, had died.

And of course, it is certainly not about me in any way; I did not know any of these men and their families. And though the mountains make for some undeniably beautiful landscapes in that state, I honestly cannot say I have ever sat and looked at them. Mostly, I saw them from afar whilst passing through to somewhere else.

Still, I wonder: What would I write if I knew I were going to sleep for the final time?

MLK

Sleep / Sleep tonight / And may your dreams / Be realized / If the thundercloud / Passes rain / So let it rain / Rain down on him / Mmm ...mmm ... mmm ... / So let it be / Mmm ... mmm ... mmm ... / So let it be

Sleep / Sleep tonight / And may your dreams / Be realized / If the thundercloud / Passes rain / So let it rain / Let it rain / Rain on him

— U2

Earthquake!

Just a run-of-the-mill, last-day-of-vacation, I-have-to-go-back-to-work-tomorrow (ugh!) day. But I DID feel an earthquake today, apparently!

(Just a little one ... I guess?: 3.6 on the Richter Scale.)

It occurred a little before 4 p.m. while I was watching Love Actually. A pretty charming movie, if I say so myself.

I feel as if I am coming down with bronchitis. My usual for this time of the year. Blah.

: (

Back to the EQ: I felt this gigantic THUD! and then wondered if someone had hit my house. With their car. And that was it.

The Lovely felt it, too, clear across town.