Waking the Dead

I don’t wanna cause you any pain
I just wanna love you
I don’t wanna fuck up anything
I just wanna love you

(From “Snow Come Down” by Lori Carson)

OK, so I watched Waking the Dead tonight, in its entirety for the 2nd time ever. And I have had the DVD for, like, years and could not bring myself to watch it again, just because ... well, yeah. And: Yeah.

And this is the kind of movie that tears you up inside as you watch it. And yeah, partly because yes, I do like sad, glad, romantic movies in which you see The Perfectly Imperfect Couple, and you know that they belong together, and yet you know that there is absolutely no way that they ever really will be together. Or maybe, as in this movie, when the characters are together, they are so imperfectly perfect that you know they have to affect one another ... make their mark on each other ... before either one will be complete.

Someone told me, recently, that the subconscious mind forgets nothing. Everything and everyone you have ever encountered, every thought, every feeling: It’s always there, all of it, somewhere in your mind. That’s where the subconscious is, right? Or maybe ... does it reside somewhere in your heart?

Anyway, there are scenes in this movie that rip me apart, in no small part because I relate so much to Fielding. And that feeling of knowing she is gone, and she is not coming back. And when he answers the phone and hears her voice and tells her, “I don’t think you’d like me anymore,” and he’s sobbing ... whoa. And when he breaks down at the table, and tells his family he’s not sure what’s wrong, and that he needs their help ... again, whoa.

And when Sarah shows up at his door, and she’s crying, and they both have so much to say but all she wants is for him to hold her ... I may not be watching this one again for a while.

Or maybe I’ll watch it again right now.