Letting Go, Part 1

The irony of the entire situation of the past couple of days is that I realized, after a few years and a lot of heartache, that it was time for me to let go, entirely, of any hopes and/or illusions I had ever had over a particular relationship (for lack of a more definitive word). And along with this realization, I kept hearing a saying, not sure exactly how it goes, something to the effect of, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it never was.”

I had always thought those words sounded rather hokey, but then: I dunno. I found myself thinking there might be (or is it may be? I never can remember!) a whole lotta truth to that saying ... in my experience, anyway.

When I like someone, when I really like someone, I always want as much from them as I can get. I want the two of us to be as close as we can, to share as much as we can, to cram as much fun as we can into our time together. I want to know as much about this person and to force as much knowledge about me onto them as we both can take.

Granted, I am guarded about many, many things; I acquired this skill very early in life. Still, I think of myself as an open book; usually, if anyone wants to know something about me, all they have to do is ask. Nicely.

Relationships have levels of closeness, and even among the relationships that have lasted the longest in my life, there have been periods during which we have been very close, other times that we have not heard from each other for months, maybe years.

* Suddenly noticing that I babble more when I am extremely tired. Which I am, right now. *

Back to my point: I had come to the conclusion that it was time, with this person, to let go. Not that it was going to be easy, not that I was even sure it was going to be possible ... just that it was time.

And almost as soon as this realization occurred and my head started to clear, I suddenly was faced with the prospect of letting go of someone else. I had no say in the matter, no dramatic realizations, no real input whatsoever, really; it was simply, Boom! He’s gone, and you’re gonna have to move on.

My head hurts right now, but it will be OK in the morning, once I’ve had some solid sack time and, hopefully, some adventure-filled dreams.

And as I head to bed, I am thinking:

If you love someone or something ... well, just love ’em, as much as you can and as much as they allow.

: )