I Hate the World Today

* Cue the guitar riff from the opening few seconds of that great, great song called “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks ... which I have on a mix from Jaxx called Her Name Is Rio ... if only I could lay my hands on that CD at this particular moment ... and of course I canNOT ... which makes me hate the world even more ... *

: )

Actually, that is a lie. I do not hate the world. Matter of fact, I love the world and many of the people in it, and I love my life. I love the fact that I have a family that loves me, and friends that love me — and, more importantly, they all put up with me (you might not know it to read my words, but sometimes, yeah, I can be a little difficult) ... and I love that I have a woman who, for reasons that remain a mystery to me, loves me and actually gets me — and believe you me, that ain’t easy! ... plus she even thinks I’m cute (she’s presbyopic, by the way). I love that I have a job in which I am surrounded by co-workers who, down to a person, try very hard, almost every day, to do their best; heck, let’s be honest, in today’s economy, I love having a job — and it’s also cool to do the kind of work that, more so than not, touches people in a positive way, mostly.

I love that, occasionally, someone will tell me they like something I have written or a photo I have taken. Personally or professionally.

I love that I am 40 and am pretty much intact, mentally and physically and emotionally. Yeah, I have come to terms with the fact that I am never, ever going to win Wimbledon, but I can still get out on the tennis court and play a little, and I can actually still get better, if I ever put my mind (and body!) to it. Intellectually, too, there is always room for improvement, and spiritually — to be perfectly honest, I feel like I have only just begun to tap into my spiritual side.

And I love this Songs That Make Me Smile CD, and especially the way my car has perfect acoustics. Almost as good as my shower.

: )

That being said: I hate the way some people think.

And at what point does a person decide that it might be heroic or powerful or exciting or maybe even fun or “right” to blow up a bus and a few subway trains? How can anyone who would do something like that have any love for anyone or anything?

I am a reasonably intelligent girl, but I surely do not understand this way of thinking.

And it makes me incredibly sad to realize that, while I find the events of today in London to be horrifying, I am honestly not shocked.

I hate that I have become unshockable when it comes to “world events.”

: (

I have a few more thoughts on a couple of other topics, including wistfulness and loneliness, but right now I am just too tired to think, let alone type.