The Lottery

Roger got me thinking about the lottery.

Actually, as I typed that title, I got to thinking about that short story we had to read in — what, sophomore English? — called “The Lottery,” which I believe was written by Shirley Jackson. And if you have not read it: Cover your eyes! Spoiler alert! In this story, the villagers all take part in a lottery, once a year, and the tale is filled with all this great tension, and when you get to the end, you find out that the “winner” of the lottery gets STONED by their fellow villagers!

(And not the “good” kinda stoned, either!)

: )

I buy a Lotto ticket, occasionally, and every once in a while, I will get a Mega Millions ticket — the one with the Powerball, gotta LOVE that. I always get a “quick pick,” mainly because my lottery ticket purchase is almost always a whim, right when I am standing at the counter, buying a Coke or a bottled water, usually, and also because I have a tendency not to fill out the little ticket thingies correctly when I do them, and ... well, that’s just embarrassing — kinda like the time I spoiled my ballot during an election because I accidentally voted for, like, 4 candidates when you were only s’posed to vote for 3 or some nonsense like that.

I have a theory, though, that your odds of winning the lottery (a random drawing) are increased by having a (randomly selected) quick-pick ticket ... although The Lovely assures me that your odds are pretty much the same, either way: Not good.

I did win the lottery one time, however. Well, I matched 4 numbers, which meant I won $69.

I took a couple of co-workers to lunch at Pizza Hut (I offered to take the whole office, but they all had other plans!), and then I blew the rest of the money on something silly like gas or groceries.

: )

I would make a great millionaire, I have decided. Yeah, I would actually have to buy a house (finally!) or 2: one near Chicago so I would be close enough to have coffee with Patti every morning for at least a few months out of the year, and another in the Keys. And a hot car like this one, mainly because I saw it being reviewed just tonight on some show on PBS, and it looks like it corners well. And the most kick-ass camera I could possibly find, and a whole slew of other electronic gadgets. And shoes!

(I would try not to go completely insane buying stuff. I now have at least 2 friends who subscribe to the theory of “Less Is Best/Less Is More,” and gosh knows I have more crap now than I know what to do with.)

I would try to take care of my family and my friends, best as I could, invest the rest and then find some causes I truly believed in and donate to them. I would travel, and I would write and take pictures.

A shitload of money would be cool. No, I don’t need money to be happy: One of the happiest moments of my life occurred on a random afternoon/evening back in college, when Patti and I had each spent our last dime on a pitcher of beer apiece and we were down to our final few swallows, and 2 girls walked by our table (one of them carrying a nearly full pitcher) and said, “We have to leave. Do you want the rest of this?” and we gleefully accepted it.

: )

But a lot of money might buy a person some extra time. No, you don’t get to live any longer if you have money all of a sudden — but think how cool it would be not to have to measure your life by the amount of time spent at work? (I saw a clever commercial awhile back, in which the narrator says something like, “There are 40 hours in the work week ... but there are 48 in the weekend!” I really liked that way of thinking.) And think how great it would be not to have to spend any time worrying about how you are going to pay for something?

And for the record: I don’t mind at all having the winning numbers in a $50 million lottery and having to split it with, like, 10 other winners. Why the fuck should I care — it would still be $5 million! And I also couldn’t care less about having to pay half of it in taxes; I mean, hell, we’re still talking about $2.5 million.

I could live on that. I could live very well on that.

: )

If I had a million dollars, I would probably have a flower garden. I might even attempt to grow roses.